Nobody sets out to have a failed marriage or relationship but over time we can find the people we seemingly love the most create the strongest negative emotional reactions in us or we can feel like strangers living separate lives. In couples therapy there are often very serious issues such as violence and infidelity however most of the time the complaints that are brought to therapy are what I consider surface issues. Concerns about lack of sharing household tasks, problems managing the kids or finances are rarely the real issues. The real issues have to do with our emotional connection and whether we feel our partner will be there when we need them and whether they will put us first.
When we are emotionally connected and attuned to each other we happily do for our partners rather than keep score of who has done what nor are we concerned with having our way, winning arguments etc. In any relationship communication is vastly important but even more so in our intimate relationships, skill building and learning communication skills form a large part of my work with couples, I also rely heavily on research based approaches such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and emotionally focused therapy (EFT) and I have specialized training in both approaches. CBT is a goal-oriented approach that takes a hands-on, practical approach to problem-solving, it's goal is to change patterns of thinking or behavior that are behind people's difficulties, including modifying beliefs and schemas which in turn affects how people feel.
EFT was developed by Dr Sue Johnson and is a research validated approach that is founded on the premise that our partner is an attachment bond which is just as important for emotional wellness that an infant's first attachment to a caregiver is, basically the comfort of knowing we are loved never goes away as we age. In addition to feeling loved our partner provides a place of safety, where we can be vulnerable, to share our hopes and fears without worry of criticism or rejection. Research studies have found that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery and approximately 90% show significant improvements with EFT. Both these approaches have tremendous amount of research to confirm their effectiveness.
In my work with couples I help them to have the awareness to understand their negative cycles and have the communication skills to effectively communicate their deepest needs. My therapy is always client driven, you set the goals and the pace I provide a safe validating environment where understanding and healing can be achieved without fear of rejection. I offer a free 15 minute consultation to see if we can work well together, having a good connection with a therapist is a key part of achieving your goals. Contact Jim today @ 416 826 0842 or [email protected]