What Is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT)?
“When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause. It is decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness…” Sue Johnson
Relationships can bring deep joy, but they can also be painful.
Many couples find themselves stuck in cycles of arguments, disconnection, or distance — even when love is still there. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a proven approach that helps couples rebuild trust, heal emotional wounds, and strengthen their bond.
What Is EFT?
Emotionally Focused Therapy is a form of couples counseling developed in the 1980s by Dr. Sue Johnson and Dr. Les Greenberg. It’s based on the science of attachment — the idea that humans are wired to seek secure, loving connections.
EFT helps partners understand the underlying emotions driving conflict, rather than just focusing on surface-level disagreements.
How EFT Works
EFT usually unfolds in three stages:
De-escalation of Conflict
Couples learn to recognize negative patterns — such as blame, withdrawal, or criticism — that keep them feeling stuck.Rebuilding Connection
Partners begin to express their deeper needs and fears in ways that invite empathy instead of defensiveness.Creating Secure Bonds
Couples practice new ways of communicating and responding to each other that strengthen trust, closeness, and intimacy.
Benefits of EFT
Research shows EFT is highly effective, with many couples reporting long-lasting positive changes. Benefits include:
Greater emotional closeness
Improved communication
Healing from past hurts or betrayals
Increased trust and security
A stronger sense of teamwork in the relationship
Who Can Benefit?
EFT is helpful for couples facing:
Frequent arguments or conflict
Emotional distance or feeling “like roommates”
Struggles with trust after betrayal
Stress from parenting, finances, or major life transitions
Even couples who simply want to strengthen an already good relationship can benefit from EFT.
Final Thoughts
Emotionally Focused Therapy goes beyond solving surface-level problems. It helps couples uncover the emotions and needs that truly drive connection. By creating a safe, supportive space, EFT allows partners to move from frustration and distance to closeness and love.
If you’re curious about how EFT could help your relationship, consider reaching out to a trained EFT therapist. Healing and deeper connection are possible.
